Trump buys SA Inc for R3bn

Afbekistan – US Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has bought out all of South Africa for R3 billion, sources close to the deal say.

The move comes as Trump’s hopes of winning the next election in the United States, set for later this year, fade.

The multi-billionaire, whose net worth is pegged at $4 billion – or around R59 trillion – is said to have met with President Jacob Zuma earlier this month in a bid to secure SA Inc.

His purchase of all of SA comes in the midst of several probes into the so-called state capture saga in which the Gupta family is alleged to have offered several government ministers high-profile positions and also to have abused their close ties with Zuma.

This week, the elite Hawks unit confirmed it is investigating the influence of private groups, including the Gupta family and Zuma’s son, Duduzane, on government business.

The investigation follows allegations that the Gupta family, which runs a business empire ranging from computers and media to uranium mining, has meddled in government policy.

Deputy Finance Minister Mcebisi Jonas recently accused the family of offering him the job of taking over the Finance Ministry. This was the latest in a series of embarrassing allegations linked to Zuma that have led opponents and allies alike to question his relationship with the Indian family.

Jonas’s claims triggered several senior members of the ruling African National Congress to make similar allegations about the Gupta family’s attempts to unduly influence the state.

This then led to ANC Secretary-General Gwede Mantashe warning that South Africa is slipping into a “mafia state”.

However, it now appears that these allegations were all smoke and mirrors, as the Guptas were acting as middle men for Trump, the source says.

Trump’s purchase includes all of SA’s 51 million citizens, 173 square kilometres of land, R1 trillion annual budget and several state-owned entities, including Eskom, the embattled South African Airways, Transnet and an almost 40 percent stake in Telkom.

A source close to Trump says he intends turning the entire economy around by shipping out all the illegal aliens and making all South Africans work for minimum wage.

“The only way to make this wonderful country profitable is to tax the citizens to death and use them as slave labour.”

Trump is well known for his pro-capitalist leanings.

EFF leader Juju was angered by the news. “We will not take this lying down, we will fight it, we will not have that capitalist pig buying this wonderful country for so little, and we won’t have workers exploited like this!” he yelled down the phone.

Further plans around Trump’s intentions will be revealed over time.

This reporter did not bother verifying any of the facts in this story, and is likely to get sued.